Living in the Shadows of Gods
by Scotborn
Summary: The puzzle of Garrett Shepard was complex. No one held the whole thing, but separately they all held a small piece. These are the collected and interwoven stories of the man who would become legend. The events are told from the people that knew the Commander best.
1. Chapter 1

Ok, so I began this story as a different profile, but I got locked out of it. So I will continue here. Just a quick description. One of my favorite books is World War Z, i wanted to tell the Mass Effect story in that style. Thanks in advance, hope you all enjoy.

FORWARD

By the time this sees print, there would have been countless books and tales of Shepard, the Reapers, the Normandy, and her crew. Innumerable stories told from the perspectives of the authors regardless of species. In the nearly 10 years since the end of the war, we have seen the reconstruction of the Citadel, the relays, and much of the worlds that we believed devastated beyond repair, have been returned to a state near pre-war normalcy.

But until now, never before have the voices been from those who served aboard the flagship of the largest fleet ever assembled. S'tonn Hararr, the talented Batarian writer and poet, penned a very lovely tale of Shepard and his cohorts, that has for many years served as the closest offering to a 'behind the scenes' look as any of us was ever going to get. While there was never anything official, there was an almost uniform decision by the Normandy crew to never discuss the events leading up to the firing of the Crucible and the defeat of the nightmare that was the Reapers.

Many times I am approached by my colleagues, friends, and strangers about my experience and opinions on the "Hero" that was Commander Garrett Shepard. We think that we all know the story, youngest child of John and Hannah Shepard, career Alliance officers, who instilled discipline and respect in their children at a young age. We know legend of the N7 operative that survived 17 days on Akuze without food and water after seeing his team wiped out by a nest of thresher maws. People can tell you where they were when Shepard was the first human inducted into the SPECTREs. We remembered when he 'died' only to see him resurrected and save the Terminus systems from agents of the Reapers. We all believe that we know the stories, that we truly know the man.

Yet the truth remains, only a select few truly knew Garrett Shepard, and even then they only had a small piece of the larger puzzle. I watch as people flock to my husband, from small Quarian children to the ageless Asari matriarchs, they shake his hand, take pictures, and then thank him for his service. Occasionally they will ask a question or for a story, and I can see the change in him, the hesitation and unwillingness to share that special puzzle piece with anyone else. He always declines. We ALL decline.

I myself took part in this unspoken pact. It was never that we were hiding anything. It was that we didn't have the words. How do you adequately do justice to a man that sacrificed so much and put the entire weight of civilization on his broad shoulders? How do you describe the fortitude and will it took for a single human man to unite the entire galaxy under one banner to fight for its survival? You don't. At least that seemed to be the general consensus between those of us that had the privilege and honor to have known him. So it came with a great deal of shock when, while lying in bed with my husband, he spoke.

"Shepard was a God. It's time that everyone knows."

So over the next several days, calls were made, appointments scheduled, and transport was booked. I would make the trips and speak to those that new Shepard best. From Rannoch to Omega, Thessia to Tuchanka, The Citadel to my bathroom, where I conducted an interview with my husband while he showered. I spoke to all that were willing and truly knew the story that was Commander Shepard. So it comes with my most humbling sincerity, which I attempt to piece the puzzle that was _our_ great Commander.

~Diana Allers-Alenko


	2. Chapter 2

_I first contacted Admiral Hannah Shepard aboard the NSV Sydney, an Alliance medical carrier that she has served as the commanding officer of for the last 8 years. After hearing my request and speaking with Kaidan, she agreed to meet with me at her home in Mumbai. Though approaching her 65_ _th_ _birthday, she remains as fit and as youthful in her appearance as someone 2 decades younger. Though remarried after the death of her late husband John (to New India Prime Minister Amesh Singh), she retains the name Shepard in honor of both her husband and son. Adorned in the entryway of her study is a photo of Shepard and what I assume to be his sister Heidi. I ask about the photo. Admiral Shepard tells me it was taken the morning Garrett was to ship out for basic training. Her gaze lingers on the photo for a moment longer, in what I know must be a bittersweet memory. She quickly returns to the present and we both take our seats in a pair of lush chairs. After a moment, she admits she doesn't know where to begin._

" _ **Why don't we begin at the beginning?"**_

She chuckles, "Seems like just as good a place as any I guess. Well I want to start by saying that John and I had never planned on having any children. We were just 2 young flight officers in a still very young and very juvenile relationship. What you have to remember was that the Systems Alliance had just been founded. There was this great excitement at the discovery of the Charon relay. We were all so busy and excited to be a part of the whole thing. Heidi was as much an accident as you can imagine. But it forced us to grow up fast. We got married and a few years later Garrett was born. At that moment, I was probably the happiest I'd ever been. Of course that all changed a couple years later"

" _ **How so?"**_

"I was in the camp of exploring and expanding. John was very much a 'wait and see' kind of guy. I wanted to leave the Alliance and join one of the settlement groups that were out there finding and discovering new worlds. John would have none of it. One night, he and I got into a very heated argument; you're married so you know what I'm talking about. It never got physical but lines were definitely crossed and things were said that it definitely took a while to apologize for. Suddenly this tiny voice spoke. In those moments, neither of us had noticed that Garrett was standing there watching us.

" _ **What did he say?"**_

"He simply asked for a drink and needed to be tucked back in. Neither John nor I said another word. We had the routine down. He would get Garrett something to drink, and I'd carry him back up the stairs and put him to bed. We shelved our disagreement and went back to being dutiful parents and soldiers. Sometimes, I wish more people would have followed my husband's point of view."

" _ **Why do you say that?"**_

"It couldn't have been a few days after that fight we were at war. At least we thought we were anyways. I think about the arrogance of those first missions, they were out there activation every relay they could find. We didn't know a damn thing about anything past our own system, and yet, there we were, spreading our name across the stars. John used to say that we were like dogs that had never been outside before. We were marking our territory on everything we could find. He'd ask, 'What happens when the bigger dog come back to claim what they believe is already theirs?'

" _ **How did you raise a family during war time?"**_

"The short answer is we didn't. John had family that he was still very close to on Earth. Heidi and Garrett went and stayed with them. It was the first time since I became a mother that I had been separated from the 2 of them. Looking back, I feel stupid for even referring to the First Contact War as an actual war. The alliance lost 623 people; the Turians lost a few more. Overreacting on both sides, but hey the advantages of wisdom and hindsight, huh?"

" _ **Let's move forward a few years. When was it that Shepard, well Garrett, decided he was going into the 'family business' as it were?"**_

"John and I never forced our kids towards any set future. We'd learned over the years, that that was the quickest way to lose them. Tell either kid what to do, and it was almost a surefire guarantee that they'd do the opposite. With Heidi, even at an early age, you knew that military life wasn't for her. She wanted to put her feet on real soil and raise a family without the trouble of picking up and moving every 6 months or so. To her credit, she and her family have been in Paris for nearly 20 years. Garrett on the other hand, was bound and determined to be just like his father. In the years that the kids were growing up, John had been promoted to Major and oversaw a unit whose sole purpose was chasing down slavers and pirates. It was extremely dangerous work, but to a young boy it was the adventure that he'd always wanted."

"When Garrett enlisted, it was a very somber day in the Shepard household. We were proud of him, he had the scores and requirements needed to attend ICT (Interplanetary Combatants Training), he had the mind to be a Fleet Admiral. But he chose to be a marine instead. Don't get me wrong, I have the highest respect for the men and women that have put their boots in the mud and have learned to fight from the ground up, but as a mother, even a mother who still wears the uniform, I was terrified."

" _ **So, it probably goes without saying that you were less than happy with his acceptance into and pursuit of the famed N7 program?"**_

Hannah laughs out loud. "Yes, that's a pretty spot on description. John and I were busy with our own careers, and as much as we'd have liked to, keeping track of Garrett was difficult. He'd check in with us once a month to let us know how he was doing, but he was always vague about the work that he was doing. It wasn't until after he'd completed the N1 course that we were even aware that he'd been accepted into the program."

"I wasn't happy. I knew the grueling and often tortuous means that the recruits went through. I was more than a little upset that my youngest child was voluntarily putting himself through that. But once again, it was John's cooler head that put everything in perspective."

" _ **How did he manage that?"**_

"How many soldiers have you known in your years with ANN?"

" _ **Thousands, at least."**_

"And how many of them were N7 graduates?"

" _ **Maybe 20?"**_

"Exactly. That was John's argument. Of all the recruits that go through the N program, less than 1% actually receives the N7 rank. In truth Garrett had decided to leave the program after he'd failed to receive the necessary points to progress to N5."

 _ **What happened?**_

"Akuze."


	3. Chapter 3

_Buenos Aires has always been a vibrant and colorful city. Left untouched by the Reapers, it still maintains the architecture and beauty that it has kept it the 'Port of St. Mary of the fair winds'. I sit alone in a café near the city's Colón Theatre. From my seat, I can hear the symphony as they rehearse. The waiter comes to check on me for what must be the fifth time. I tell him who I am and who I am meeting. The waiter laughs, refills my coffee, and tells me I could be waiting for a while. After another half hour, and another refill, my subject finally enters the café. I wave and he makes his way over. I have to admit, I'm taken aback at the sight of the man. Gone is the long deliberate gait in his step, stern look of confidence, and his shoulders aren't as pinned back as they once were. Instead the man walking towards me stops and visits with other patrons, wears a smile across his rough face, and bears all the attributes of someone of his advanced age and life. I was warned in advance not to expect Admiral Hackett, but instead 'Steven', the retired military man enjoying his years away and off of the battlefields that had defined all of his life. I'm greeted with a hug and a kiss to each cheek. No, this is definitely not the same man I had once questioned and accused of being part of a military scandal twenty years ago. The Admiral takes his seat and waves for the waiter that I have spent so much time with this afternoon. He orders the both of us a drink. "To Shepard", he says. He stares out at a woman playing with two young girls._

"What did you want to be when you were a little girl?"

" **I'm sorry sir?"**

"You remember being a kid don't you? I don't imagine you wanted to be a reporter or hell maybe you did."

" **I wanted to be an actress."**

"What stopped you?"

" **I was in college and I auditioned for a role in a Francis Kitt movie."**

"What happened?"

" **I read the script and thought it was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard. I immediately went back to school and changed my major from theatre to journalism."**

 _Hackett laughs, something I was not expecting._

"I don't remember if I ever wanted to be anything other than a soldier. I imagine there was probably a time where I wanted to be a race car driver or a cricketer, but who knows? I will say that lately I've been taking a painting class with a young lady I've been seeing. I'm getting pretty good."

" **How was it that you became a soldier?"**

"My mother died, leaving my brother and I on our own. We got shipped off to a couple of homes before we finally ended up in one that just felt right. It was this tiny little school that tied military training into its curriculum. I don't know what it was about that place, but I just took to it like a duck to water. When I was 18, it only seemed fitting that I'd enlist. The rest they say is history."

" **How did you first meet Commander Shepard?"**

"Lieutenant."

" **I'm sorry."**

"Shepard was just a Lieutenant the first time I met him. I was a rear admiral in charge of the 3rd search and rescue fleet. We were stretched pretty thin dealing with the fallout of the Elysium ordeal, so you can imagine that I would think it was pretty damn lucky that we happened to have a platoon of N-class marines near Akuze when the SOS first came in."

" **So you sent Shepard and his team in?"**

"Yes, yes I did. We had no idea that the distress call was a forgery. I wasn't familiar with the colony, hell at that time we were expanding so fast it seemed like every few days there was a new colony on a new world, in a new goddam system. The intel we did have however, just gave us details of the climate and topography. I wasn't thrilled with sending a team in there blind, but I did feel like a squad of 'Ns' could handle what I assumed was just a typical assist call. With so many settlers out staking claims for themselves, you can't imagine how many times we'd receive calls from colonists that were stranded or ill prepared. Half the time, my fleet was busy refueling powerless ships. It was like they thought we were the goddam AAA. I didn't have any reason to believe that this call from a colony I'd only heard of in passing would be any different.

" **All the public has ever been told was that a settlement on Akuze had been overrun with thresher maws. The Alliance team sent in to assist was wiped out except for Shepard, are you now saying that this isn't true?"**

"There was no settlement. Now don't let me get ahead of myself, there was a commune on Akuze, but it was over 10,000 kilometers away. No the SOS call gave coordinates to a location on the southern hemisphere, and because we didn't know any better, I sent 18 of the best soldiers the Alliance had to offer into a fucking setup.

" **What happened?"**

"Initial reports all came back normal. Our scans showed that there were several buildings that seemed to be evacuated. The team's orders were to go in, assess the situation, evac any survivors, secure all potential assets, and deactivate the colony's distress beacon."

 _Hackett signals our waiter for another drink. "This part," he starts, "this part is where I need a little liquid courage for what comes next._

"Shepard's team hits the ground with 18 marines. It's actually not even his team, Major Dan Scott was the commanding officer of the unit. Well, Scott takes 8 guys and Shepard takes 8. They split up and plan to investigate both sides of the complex and meet up at the beacon. Well here's where things get a little fuzzy. You have to remember that all we have is what was in Shepard's report, and admittedly he didn't have a clear line of sight on Scott and his men. So the Major leads his men into the facility through the front entrance. Sometime after entering the compound, Scott's team must have triggered some sort of EMP device, all their communication equipment was knocked out. Shepard's team was waiting for confirmation from Scott before they entered the facility. Finally Shepard sends a Corporal Toombs to find out what's going on. So a few minutes after Toombs leaves, there is gunfire and alarms from inside the compound. Shepard's team goes in weapons hot.

" **What did they find?"**

"First let me say that those marines did their job as well as could be asked. Someone went through a hell of lot of trouble setting all of this up.

" **What makes you think it was a setup?"**

"I'll come back to that later. So according to Shepard's report, his team followed the sounds of gunfire to the main plaza of the complex. He described giant serpentine creatures tearing through the ground and ripping the marines apart. Shepard didn't have any choice, he ordered a retreat. The Alliance had never come across a maw before, as far as those soldiers knew, demons from hell were reaching up and slaughtering their friends. I can imagine it was pure chaos. A couple of marines tried escaping on a nearby transport vehicle, they didn't make it 50 meters before the ground swallowed them whole. Shepard and 3 other marines escaped back out of the rear entrance and into the hills roughly a kilometer away. That's when I believe the 'legend' of Shepard was born.

" **How so?"**

"So these 4 surviving marines are on a hilltop overlooking the valley the compound sits in. 3 of them are in favor of getting back to the dropship and calling in reinforcements, one of them knows that he still has a mission to complete. I don't know what happened on that hilltop, but I've been in a few scraps with fellow soldiers before to have a pretty good idea, but Shepard alone made his way back down to the complex with the purpose of shutting down the distress beacon and gathering whatever intel he could. By the time he was able to get back down there, there was no sign of the creatures that had wiped out the unit. He also found no sign of any colonist living or dead.

" **What happened to the other survivors?"**

"We never found them. The Kodiak had been destroyed, so we know they didn't get off Akuze the same way they got there."

 _The Admiral takes a break and uses his palms to massage his forehead. Quietly he says._

"Seventeen days."

" **Sir?"**

"It was seventeen days before we found him. Seventeen days that he wandered the wilderness with only minimal supplies and rations. By the time we found him, he was nearly gone from malnourishment and dehydration. He was delirious and fought the rescue team. Broke a young private's arm in the scuffle. He'd been forced to eat and drink what he found, with no way of knowing what it would do to his system. He developed a strain of malaria we'd never encountered before. The medical staff had to contact Sur'kesh for a way to treat him. And to top it off, he still had lesions and burns from the initial contact with the maws that were infected and spreading through his body. Honestly, I didn't expect him to make it. Even after that, Shepard had accomplished the mission. It was my decision to promote him to the grade of N7. I did so believing that it would be ceremonial only. I figured the least I could do was place an N7 flag across the young man's coffin. It wasn't the last time he would rise from the grave and prove the doubters wrong.


	4. Chapter 4

_The Orrey was built in 2190. After the fall and destruction of Grissom Academy, a new facility was needed to house and train the next generation of biotic capables. Using a salvaged portion of the Citadel and in perpetual orbit over Titan, it is now the largest biotic school in all of council space. The facility is run by two women, both of whom had their own connection to Shepard. The first, Dr. Karin Chawas has served the in Alliance for nearly 50 years, the last 5 as chief medical officer of the Orrey. Before her current post, she served faithfully aboard the Normandy, no matter which colors it flew under. While not having served the same length as her colleague, Kahlee Sanders is another Alliance 'lifer'. The head of the Ascension program and partner to the late Admiral David Anderson, has held her current position for nearly 20 years. The women, whom I have had the honor of calling friends for many years, give me an informal tour of the school and make small talk before we have a seat in a common are of the school. The doctor begins her story._

I'd heard a little of the Akuze story. It was still very hush-hush at that point. I was on Arcturus when the marines had returned with Shepard, but he wasn't a patient of mine. I was overseeing the physical therapy wing of the hospital at the time, but I knew doctors who had seen him and every day I would hear stories progressing from 'He's definitely going to die' to 'He'll probably die' to 'I don't know how he is still alive.'

 **Did you ever see him?**

Not until he'd recovered enough to get out of bed, but I'll admit, I did have a curiosity.

 **So how did you first meet him?**

When he began his therapy.

 **What did you think of him?**

 _Karin laughs._ He was arrogant. Not in a bad way, but more in the way that he wouldn't accept defeat. The infections had ravaged his muscular system, and while he still had full range of mobility, the strength wasn't there, but you couldn't get that into his head. He wouldn't let you. I remember one day he was attempting to run on a treadmill, he couldn't get his legs to cooperate and he fell. He refused help up and stormed off to his room.

 **What happened?**

The next day he ran 20 miles. With Shepard, it was always something like that. If he believed he could do it, by god he'd do it. His recovery was expected to last a year; he was cleared physically to return to duty in 3 months. But I'd be remised if I didn't mention that I didn't think he was ready.

 **Why not?**

Shepard never talked about Akuze. It was mandatory that he had to get a psychiatric release before he could return to active duty. He never did. I often had dinner with his therapist, and while he would never reveal what they actually spoke about, he told me that Shepard never once spoke about what happened on Akuze. Other than his original report, I don't know if he ever spoke to another person about what happened down there.

 **So if he didn't get clearance from his psychiatrist, how did he ever end up as first officer of the Normandy?**

 _Both women share a quick glance, smile, and answer in unison._

Anderson.

 _Karin:_ I had been a friend of David Anderson for many years. When he was given the Normandy, I was honored but not surprised that he asked me to serve as medical officer. Before the crew roster had been filled, he and I had a discussion about his inability to find a suitable first officer.

 _Kahlee:_ I remember that David and I would talk daily about how frustrating he was getting at the whole process. Originally there was a push for this young Lieutenant Commander that he absolutely hated. He was the son of some admiral and had been in charge of some supply depot in the Armstrong nebula. I'm sure he was probably a good kid, but he'd never seen ground action and David didn't trust anyone who'd never 'gotten blood under their fingernails'.

 _Karin_ : There was talk since the first Normandy was a human-Turian joint venture, that maybe the first officer should be turian.

 **That couldn't have been a popular thought.**

 _Karin_ : No, no it really wasn't. So one day, and to the life of me I still don't know why, but I told Anderson about the Lieutenant that survived Akuze and was still under my care. I could see the gears working in his head and could see the change in his face immediately. So I introduced the two men. I don't know what was said between them, but ten minutes later, Anderson walks out of the meeting, winks, and tells me to have Shepard ready to report to the Normandy in 3 days.

 **So you never found out what they talked about?**

 _Karin:_ No.

 _Kahlee:_ David used to have this saying, "I'll go to war with anyone willing to follow me into hell. I'll only trust someone brave enough to go in and shoot the Devil in the face." In Shepard he found a kindred spirit. I honestly think that they needed each other.

 **So Anderson found his man, but how did he get him released and promoted?**

 _Karin:_ I know that there were a lot of backroom politics involved, and there were a lot of concessions that had to be made, but when it was all said and done, it kind of made sense that they'd put Shepard in the position, the 'classified' nature of Akuze hadn't stayed that way, and Shepard had become a cult hero in a sense. Even though they gave him Shepard, they stuck him with as many disadvantages as they could.

 **What kind of disadvantages?**

 _Karin:_ We were assigned to be under the thumb of Admiral Mikhailovich, a real hard ass who wasn't too keen on the Normandy in the first place.

 _Kahlee:_ Personnel was an issue too. Most of the key crew positions were filled already. Karin was in place as medical officer, Greg Adams was chief engineer, and he had a solid science team, but they gave him very green marines and inexperienced officers. They also thought to stick him with Charles Pressley. I'm guessing they thought having XO Pressley aboard would instill some discipline to what many perceived David's lax attitude in command. But I don't think they ever expected the biggest disadvantage that they put on the Normandy would become the heart and soul of that ship and all those that have carried its name ever since.

 _Karin:_ I always swore that that boy would be the death of me.


End file.
